I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
