It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
