What a fucking waste of an outfit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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