the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize