Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So many bounce houses so little time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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