Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
