I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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