Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
