we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
