I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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