I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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