Your dad touched me again.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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