Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
