trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
