At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
