i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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