i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
