New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize