You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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