two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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