dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
