i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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