Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
