Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
