You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
