he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
