ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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