Kareoke will never be a sober sport
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize