After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
