I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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