Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize