i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
