that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
