I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she peed on how many people?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
