do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize