i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
vagina is talking i cant
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
