If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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