either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
