I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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