you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
