Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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