his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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