You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
