Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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