I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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