after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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