I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
