I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He better not be in your backpack
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
