So drunk its hurt
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize