I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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