Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
