So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
