kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
