How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
