We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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