**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
