Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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