her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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