please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
