Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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