don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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