you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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