i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
