i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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