new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
