Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
