I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
